Contraception? I’ve tried them all, and, to be honest, some worked well… but some didn’t and I’ve got children to prove it.
I remember the first time I was pregnant – accidental and two forms of contraception didn’t work – I was thrilled as suddenly I didn’t have to use contraception or worry about getting pregnant.
‘Cos I already was.
These days I don’t need contraception either, thanks to my marvellous menopause. It may have made me much more susceptible to actual anxiety, but my periods have stopped.
You beauty! I haven’t had one for two or three years and I couldn’t be more delighted.
My beloved husband did have a vasectomy a few years before actually. So there was no need for contraception … unless I’d had an affair with some other bloke. Which I didn’t, I must admit.
But even if I did have an affair one day, I still wouldn’t need to prevent an unwanted pregnancy. Relief.
Here are the five contraceptives I am so glad not to ever have to use again…..
When I started using this my friend Jane said I’d hate ‘the sensation of trifle dribbling down your leg.’ And she was right. The combination of semen and contraceptive jelly is not pleasant at all when combined with gravity: shudder.
Jane also asked: ‘Aren’t you worried that by the time you’ve got it in, the prospective man will have escaped.’
No Jane, I wasn’t… all my boyfriends would have waited for hours for me to slide that little cap into place. Some did.
Well, you have to remember to have them to hand… or your fella does. And they leave a nasty taste behind, should you be warming up for a second moment of passion. Those were the days.
They’re just not reliable… they split, they disappear off to remote locations…. After the first failure of a condom (son number one) we never used them again. Whew.
The Morning After Pill
Well, it also doesn’t always work. Trust me I know. Mind you, it’s always best to take it the morning after, not the morning after the morning after. Or so I learned.
Also, strong hormones disrupting your body… not as much as a pregnancy does, mind you.
Oh dear, oh yes. I used a coil between each of my three pregnancies and then for five years afterwards. Thy actually weren’t too bad once they were in the right place. It was just the getting them in and out that created mayhem.
You see, it turns out that my cervix is deep within and slightly to the right. Too much information?
Getting the blessed coil through and into the womb was PAINFUL… ouch… squirming at the memories.
Getting one out was much worse though. I thought I hadn’t managed to feel the little cord that should be through the cervix. It had whipped back through and was hiding.
‘I’ll need to use the fishing rod,’ said the kindly gynae, whom I loved for his nice warm hands.
Worse still, I had a hyperactive two and a half year old in the room with me whilst it was removed by the fishing-rod-through-the-cervix method.
I can’t believe I ever had sex again. Having babies was pain free by comparison. Just kidding.
Sit Up and Cough
Handy when you have no contraception around and you just can’t help yourself. However, this contraception is not recommended although I have to say it was 100% effective for me on the few occasions I tried it. Thank goodness.
What about the pill? I didn’t use it much, to be honest. If I was a young girl now, I might try those three month rods….
What about you?
What contraceptives have you loved and loathed?
Ha ha, the memories!